Friday, June 21, 2013


I have contemplated about revamping this for quite some time, but words have always seemed to fail me. So much has changed since my last post, and as I looked back on all of them, I saw the apparent struggle within myself to keep going. As this struggle continues, I further push forward in an effort to keep strong. 

 Even though, everything inside of me is telling me to give up. So, here I am yet again to see if I can attempt to write something intellectual, inspiring and something to help other people think. Something that I do not want to turn into a personal diary online, but, more so, a story book that will be based off mostly real life facts. I welcome you to the next chapter of my writings:

"Living in The Now: survivalism."

Who knew over an entire year later, I'd be right back here, still trying to accomplish to live life according to the name of my blog. Failing miserably, I might add. I have no clue how often I'll post, or if I will even post at all after this point, but you never can tell. I failed my 101 Challenge, failed the 52 week photo challenge as well. Seeing as how I've deleted all of my posts up until this point, I will briefly elaborate why all of that fell apart. Slowly, I've been sinking into a deep dark place ever since I lost my Mother. 

Creating this blog initially was to help me get over the death of my Father in 2008 from Lung Cancer. If only I knew just a short 3 and a half years later, I'd lose the closest and most important person in my life. I can't even begin to explain everything that has happened since last year, I don't even want to. Nothing good enough has happened for me to even attempt to talk about it. All I can say is that, I'm stumbling in trying to find my way to happiness and feeling whole. 

I know it's going to be a rough road ahead of me, but I do think that my gifts are my words. I've always had a better time expressing myself through writing. I find it easier to write things down and have them be read, than verbally getting my point across. It's always been this way for as long as I can remember. I think in a lot of ways, I take after my Grandmother, (my Dad's Mom) because I found this letter once, when I was cleaning out her room after both her and my Father passed away. It was to some financial company that had overcharged her for something. I never read such an amazingly hateful letter, yet so polite! I realized then, that I too at times had a knack for eloquently getting my point across to people without having to curse or overuse certain words that would make me sound brash. 

With that being said, I DO LOVE to do a lashing of the hands and swear my ass off when I'm offended or pissed off about something, so there's your disclaimer about that. I know how to properly articulate myself, but there will be times that I will use obscenities to get that point across. Not everything you read in this blog will be related to my life all the time. I would actually like to avoid that if I can. I'd rather use this as a tool, again, to educate the masses and share my views of the current state of our world. No, I don't have a Journalism degree. No, I didn't even finish college. I probably have no right to even voice an opinion on most things, based on what "society" would deem acceptable. But, the beautiful thing about the internet is, I can say whatever the fuck I want and hide behind a computer screen. SO TAKE THAT "society!" Special thanks to a person that told me they read my old stuff and said it was interesting. Let's see what else I can come up with that's 'interesting.' More later.

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